Hello, I am tushiebutt
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MY life! this was originally written on 1/14 but edited today

by tushiebutt

02/08/2008 - 13:33

*This is an update on everything so far. Some things will be left out yes, because I'm human && forgetful. Ha Ha. But as this is the best I can do, I hope you like it!*



        Kya Bree Young is doing great. She is back up to her birth weight. Which means, she's off of the losing weight binge && is starting to gain. All babies do it. She also is on the PICK instead of all the IVs coming out of her umbilical cord. It's one IV that goes in her tiny little arm && is fed all the way to her heart that way they don't have to stick her again && it's safer for her too. Less chance of infection && less scars. She's getting my breast milk every hour. I don't remember what the dosage was, but I know they said every hour she gets it. Also, we were recently able to hold her in our arms. It's called "The Kangaroo Hold." Pictures of that are up. I went && saw her again last night. She had her beanie off && you can see all the hair that she has just like Mommy && she has pretty blue eyes. Which, most babies do when they're first born. Also, her fingers crook the way mine do too. She is so tiny. she was born 1 lb 9 oz, && 12 1/2 in long. She is now 1 lb 9 oz && 13 in long! She is doing great. She has also already had a bout of Ghaundis [sp?] that she has done smoked right through. I think that's it. She has slight Sleep Apnea. But thats only because she's still so small that it tires her out to breath on her own all night long. So, they have put her back on the ventilator for now. Just until she is ready to do it all on her own. See, @@ this point she should have still been in the womb where I breathed for her. So, since she decieded she was ready to get out early. She has slight Sleep Apnea. But they say it'll go away once her lungs harden && she gets used to breathing on her own completely. It's hard to believe, She's 2 weeks old today. Yep, Good Ole New Years baby!!!




        On the the better things. Todd && I are engaged. to be married a little later. i could not be happier. things with him are GREAT. we live together. he/we are gunna close in the carport && have our own little room untill Kya comes home && we have the money to move out. seein him everyday. wakin up next to him every mornin. is the BEST thing. its so nice to cuddle with him every night all night then wake up next to him in the morning. he even has a drawer fer his clothes in my dresser. lol hed have more. but thats all the room ive made so far. lol i have even gotten him to admit hes white && proud of it. lol lol its somethin yall would have to know him quite well before youd really understand. we have such a great relationship. we dont fight. && if we start to...we both kinda jus give in a little before we fight. its nice to feel important, to feel special. i know that goin into all this. that when we first got together alot of yall were like. dont fall to fast. you dont know him yet. even his own cousin...was tellin me this. which. i did listen. but i couldnt help it. the way this has turned out. i smile everyday. i have somethin to live fer. my family! i mean. i even clean && cook && do laundry && i do special things fer him. i cooked him dinner && dressed up realy nice && did my hair && makeup. && set the table with the flowers he got me when i was in the hospital. hes the most amazing guy ive ever known. the way hes been there fer me. takin me to && from hospitals. stayin the night with me there. even on a work night! thats some majorrrr commitment. my whole family LOVES him. even my dad. that JUST met him. he picked up on how important Todd is to me. Todd sings to me all the time. but the other day. he sang that song "dont wanna miss a thing". i started to cry. this boy says some majorly sweet things to me. theres no way i could ever feel differently about this boy. i want to spend the rest of my life with him && Kya. ya know. we were layin in bed the other night...&& he rolled over && held me && kissed me && said that "not only do i love you with all my heart && soul" then a kiss, " but i want to spend the rest of my life with you" kiss, "i want to spend the rest of eternity with you." kiss "your the love of my life" kiss. i mean. its just. its really sweet. i wish yall could liike, tap into my brain fer like a second then you could see how really strongly i love Todd. me tellin you the things he says er the thigns er does...it will never get you to feel the way i feel. i mean, he holds me all night. && when he wakes up, he kisses me on the cheek er on my eye...er hell just hold me. hes so amazing. theres no way around it. he makes me the happiest i have ever been. im so glad that carley introduced us when she did. bc if itd been later, things mightve not ended up the way they are now. that football game was the begininning of the best times of my life. yes a few REALLY bad things happened during this time, but he was there holdin my hand the whole time. if yall knew half the stuff hed done fer me when i was in that hospital...youd be amazed. i see now why other guys are so mean && ugly. bc Todd has it all. the looks, the attitude, the personality, the vehicle, the job...lol but really. fer me. he is everything. i love him more then time could tell. more then my heart could say. more then i have ever loved anyone in my entire life. now heres the exception to that. i love Kya more, but not in the same way. so fer those of you who like to try && twist my words. its not gunna happen. i love my daughter with the cleanest kind of love there is. i love Todd with a different kind of love. the love i have fer them is equally as strong, but in different manners.



     Todd, youve made me so happy. if i never had anythign else in my life. youd be enough. just this time with youd be enough. you have taught me so much about life && ppl in general. youve done so much fer me. youve showed me its not about sayin youll call then callin later. its just callin. er just showin up randomly to be there with you. its about give && take. its about happiness. that theres more to life then drama, anger, && death. its about the journey to that last little box. its about how you get there, what memories you take with you. i love you so much. i just want you to know,that ill ALWAYS be here fer you. ALWAYS. no matter what. as you have been fer me. i cannot wait to be yer wife. to be able to say Mrs Todd Allen Knowles. im yers, but this way everyone knows im yers. totally dedicated to our little family. the moment you asked me i went crazy. i wanted to scream && cry && laugh && hug you && kiss you && make love && just sit there in the moment. i never know that askin somethin like that had such a big effect on someone. I guess it's because the feelings that are there. because its a serious thing when you mean it. i know you mean it. I know sometimes I joke kinda far too, but just remember. I love you && I would NEVER intentionally hurt you in anyway.



       I love you babe. You are my everything forever && always.

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